One of the most stereotypical behavior patterns of parents towards their adult children (teenage and adult ones) is that when a child tells the parents something about his or her life, plans and success etc, and instead of support, encouragement or sharing joy... instead of it all the child gets a stream of words full of negative things such as negative portrayal of the future or a story that nothing will succeed or that even if it already succeeded it's still bad and there are only enemies around. All talks of that kind hurt ten times more when it comes to kith and kin and envenom any joy of a person's life, evoke an awful inferiority complex and make a child think about failures and bad confluence of circumstances. It all results into the generation gap conflict, which makes parents argue with their children and breaks family ties.
The pattern usually takes the following two forms:
1. When a child wants to show his or her source of pride and share the joy or be boastful, the child shares emotions in hope of being supported. But instead of it the child gets a stream of negative things or indifference that negates the thing of pride. For instance, a long list of problems involved, questions and any bullshit in general. Thus happiness is stolen from the person. As without it all one would be happy for a while longer and this way all happiness is simply taken away. It causes negativity, nervous breakdowns, etc.
2. When a child speaks about some performed or planned actions that are still to be finished. The goal of this talk is to get some moral support. But instead of it the child gets a bunch of negative precautions concerning the development of circumstances. As a result, not only it poisons the soul but also it makes one think about a negative scenario. A person loses heart, feels depressed and has nervous breakdowns and it ruins personal life and career as well as all those processes this person is related to. Later a situation like this results into them saying: "Didn't we warn you?"...
Ways of struggling: When people/children share their plans or joy, wishing to get moral support then their joy should be shared and the support should be given. All talks and moments concerning "sharing fears" and setting a person for having problems should be done very carefully and not at once but a bit later in some time. Besides, telling about problems should be done in the form - "a problem plus ways to solve it".
Besides, in most situations this shouldn't be done at all. As not letting people make mistakes we deprive them of their best teacher- life. Mistakes are meant to give lessons and make people better. Not taking lessons means committing a sin. What's more it's only providence that knows the future and fortune telling should be done by professionals, for instance by stock traders. If one really feels like seeing into the future, this person should go to stock to earn millions instead of wasting skills.
There's also an idea that advice should be offered only when they ask for it. As offering unsolicited advice is something like a sin. Exchanging information between people is a volunteer mutually useful process and it should mean readiness for this exchange on both sides.
As for children whose parents practice "pattern 66", they should refrain from discussing their plans, intentions, personal life and career with their parents. It's preferrable to refrain from sharing joy with parents and only talk about their life, health etc. Generally, to talk only about parents themselves or about weather and not about one's own plans.
However, if one wants, one may listen to negative analytics about how one shouldn't live and how something won't work and generally make all negative predictions as clear as a bell...One may set one's mind neutral towards the information as if it's not about oneself but something general worth listening to. However, there is still some danger to program oneself for negative things or at least to spoil one's own mood.
P.S. Parents who practice "pattern 66" are undoubtful candidates for burning in HELL.
Translate:
Muhortova Natalie