Narcissists are said to have problems with empathy and not feeling other people. These are narcissists of Type A. narcissists of Type B act the other way around. They have an excess of sensitivity that makes them dependent on narcissists of Type A. narcissist Type B sticks like an emotional vampire to Type A and sucks energy from him. Type B narcissists are so-called codependents, sonarcissists, inverted narcissism.
Narcissists and sonarcissists are essentially two identical people, but one of them allowed himself to love and, having dissolved in love, became a codependent. The second forbade himself to love, because he is afraid of losing himself. The problem with both of these people is a lack of self-love and self-respect. The slightly bolder one attacked and became a codependent slave. The one who is more cowardly, defends himself and became the master. At the same time, the sonarcissist, having dissolved into the narcissist, longs for power over him, but the narcissist also longs for power over his slave, because he has become a part of him. The narcissist's thirst for power is a thirst for self-control and integrity, a fear of losing oneself.
A codependent is also an addict because he is an empath who does not love himself, and his partner is a narcissist. The empath depends on the narcissist's sense of self-satisfaction.
A codependent person is motivated by the fact that the object of her dependence realizes her vital needs. Moreover, she is afraid to directly ask for implementation, so she turns into a manipulator. The manipulator uses grievances, complaints, claims, insults, etc. What needs? Money, sex, tenderness, kindness, things, love, etc.
Despair is the cure for sonarcissism and addiction. The idolater thought he would perish without the glass idol of his illusions. And now the glass house is broken, and life goes on, nothing has changed. Despair is a revelation and an epiphany.
The roles of alcoholic, persecutor and Savior are unified and correspond to one game. If an artist starts playing any of these fields, the actors for the second two automatically appear. This is an important point for co-dependent spouses of alcoholics.
A codependent woman, depending on her attitude towards an alcoholic, may have a desire to blame or take care of him. Both desires are sublimations of the lust for power.
If a person has a lot of garbage and negativity in the unconscious, then the marriage partner of this person is likely to personify all these hidden sins and vices. The point is that the primary love for the opposite will give a feeling of blissful release of tension and forgiveness of oneself. This feeling of bliss, lightness and freedom is often perceived as love.
What you call falling in love, a feeling of lightness and freedom, is just the removal of inner tension and humility with the negated within yourself. You find a big opposite outside of yourself, against which you forgive yourself. Your love is a way to forgive yourself your sins and escape from endless anxiety and inner tension.
The ideal codependent is the enlightened narcissist. A codependent is a person with an inferiority complex who himself dreams of becoming an ideal narcissist. However, the ideal narcissist is a suicide bomber. The perfect narcissist burns in hell. The sins of this person are inexhaustible, alcoholism, drug addiction, lust, vanity, obsession with the thirst for power and pleasure. This man stands on the edge of the abyss of the ideal, which is despair and death. In this sense, it is especially dangerous when parents project their ideal onto their children. The ideal child is doomed.
The problem of women is codependency and the desire to save those people that she loves. However, the Savior harms the situation more than he helps it. It is right to speak, and let them save themselves. Saving the drowning – the work of the drowning themselves. To take on the fears, pains, and sins of others is to multiply them.
When a codependent woman takes on someone else's negative emotions, she multiplies them and gives them to her loved ones, for example, children. Children are not able to withstand such emotions and stress, so they often get sick.
The main problem of people is too much love, which is expressed in the thirst for control, jealousy and codependency. At the same time, when love burns out, an extreme of lack of love is formed, which is also terrible.
A codependent person is a savior who, among other things, increases his self-esteem due to the illusions of his usefulness. It seems to the rescuer that while he saves, he is important and useful. If the rescuer has no one to save, it will ruin his life.
On the one hand, you have the right to kick him out, because he is a goat, and it's hard for you to control yourself. You can try to drive him away, you can leave. But you can treat this situation as a training of some of your useful skills. For example, Buddhism has told us that happiness is related to the quelling of desires. Christina taught us to pacify thoughts and passions, they are desires. Try to follow the path of improvement and use the negative situation to make yourself better. Now you are co-dependent on him, you want something from him, often judge him and want to save him. Try telling yourself: "I will not do any of this, I will focus on what is available to me, on what I can do." He's a Ram, I can't turn a ram into a man, but I can shear him. Try to take from him what happens, and otherwise shift the emphasis on yourself. And this position does not prevent you from demanding that he stop drinking and yell at him. It is in your power to ask and demand, the results do not concern you, and the actions are completely in your power.
And remember your codependency. You consider your husband a part of yourself, judge his actions, try to save and direct. And there is no sense from this and never happens, not for you alone, but for all. Imagine you have a neighbor, and he gave you money in the morning, and at night he drank and fucked. What do you care about his night? You are happy with the money that fell from the sky. In this sense, the word husband spoils the picture. It seems that the husband owes something, it seems that he belongs to you, but the husband does not agree with this and all your "must" sabotaging it. Of course, it can be kicked out, and this is a good option. However, you can not expel it, so you need to work with what is.
Codependency happens from pride and the feeling that the person you depend on belongs to you and owes you something. For example, it should feed and water you, be your source of energy and protect. That is, you are a flea, you crave submission from the dog whose blood you drink. She resists it in every way. I will say even tougher. The parasite has captured the brain of its victim and craves submission from him and is very upset that it does not work out very well.
When the husband is extremely active and addicted to vices, it causes the wife to take a restrained opposite position and spend all her energy slowing down and holding back. This is a very dangerous situation of codependency, turning a woman into a passive person and hindering her personal growth and movement. Many women in this situation are terrible they suffer, feeling the lack of life, growth and development within themselves. All the energy of a woman is concentrated on slowing down the tearing active man and she has no strength left for her life, development and movement.