In a relationship, it is very important to set boundaries and not allow them to cross. Second the party must come to terms with these boundaries and begin to respect them. Disrespect for boundaries Awakens demons in people and destroys relationships.
Each creature should have a pair, but where is my creature? We are all monsters, but your sin is hypocrisy and lies. You think you're a princess (though you turn into a monster at night) and you despise monsters. Love your Shrek, and love yourself. To become yourself is to become Fiona. Shrek and Fiona are a model of a happy family.
Building relationships means learning to negotiate, forgive, keep your distance, cultivate restraint and a sense of proportion. Learn to tame mutual narcissism and pride, anger and aggression, resentment and manipulation.
Before you live with a man, it is very important to know his passion. What this person does in his spare time. How he relates to his work. What he dreams about. Fear should be caused by unhealthy attachments or suspicious ideality.
You can love anything you want, but do not confuse love with the desire of a cow to eat a flower, with the desire of a wolf to eat a hare, with the desire of an addict to get a dose of a drug. Moreover, it is a crime to combine love with violence and thirst for power. Do you want love by force or by trickery? Are you forcing love? You're begging for love. You don't want to love, you want to be loved, you want to be served and given pleasure. You long for a God whom love will make your slave. What Wonder your life is hell?
The man asked the woman to be good and gentle, morally support him and all that. The woman agreed. At one time it was joyful, but then the man turned into a big child and a drug addict, always trying to climb into his mother's arms, jealous, maniacally clingy, always whining and dissatisfied with something. The lady managed to escape from the man with great difficulty.
He loves prostitutes very much and even named a cat after a prostitute. He really likes being obeyed and given pleasure. She feels very sorry for prostitutes and, reading about them, may even cry. By the way, pity is also love, and I noticed that we become like those we love. What brings these two together?
A cowardly, fear-filled woman, like an obsessive, craves love and therefore tries to give a man too much love and tenderness to attract him. In the future, different options are possible. If a man is reserved, he will give her little love, and the lady will be offended and forever suffer that he does not give her enough attention. This option is called the lesser evil. The greater evil is when a man is not restrained, and he will attack a lady, trying to give her love in return, in which case the lady will burn out, and the man will turn into a greedy drug addict, strangling a woman and trying to suck love out of her.
She is most afraid that she will not be perfect, and therefore she will not be able to love anyone, and no one will love her. Then she will have to spend her old age with her cat. Not only is it terrible, it's also unsafe.
The woman was terribly afraid that no one would ever love her again, that she was in danger and could starve to death. Immediately she became so loving. Reconciled with her husband. She is fondling her husband. And you say fear. Look what fear does to people. Fear is the first friend of love, one might say, its reverse side.
Recognizing your negative allows you to recognize your positive. In the same way, with our neighbors, recognizing their shortcomings, we will be ready to accept their virtues without envy and jealousy. The denial of negative aspects generates super-valuable idols in contrast to them, which is bad and therefore the system resists it.
You can only truly love me if you acknowledge and accept all my flaws. Otherwise I will become an idol, and you will become an idolater, our souls will be saturated with fear, jealousy, greed, obsession, thirst for power, etc. To accept flaws means to agree that they exist and not to engage in their denial. The maximum that can be done with shortcomings is to realize their benefits and the need for the existence of integrity.
Recognizing the worst leads us to recognizing the best. If we deny the bad, we will either not be able to recognize the best, or we will turn him into an idol, which is even better.
Everyone craves love, and I crave hate. I am cunning, I know that love is the way to hate, so I want to come to love through hate. You will say that the thirst for love is pride and I will agree with you and reduce my requests. I don't need your hatred, I want your indifference and emptiness.
It is very interesting to address a person's feelings in a conversation. As if asking him again. Do you feel it right? Do you feel angry? Did you like it?
A person feels satisfied when he sees that the interlocutor understands his feelings. Thus, it is necessary to look not only at the content of the information, but also at the feelings that it generates. It is necessary to react accordingly to the feeling, not to the information.
From fear, a woman becomes very affectionate, gentle and loving. Love created by fear seems to be better than ordinary love, it seems that fear is a love enhancer. However, I do not like the love improved and created by fear, because as soon as a person loses fear, overcompensation will arise, and this love will turn into its opposite.
Pride is love created by fear. As long as the fear is strong, this love seems to be an improved superior version of ordinary love. However, overkill generates shortage and burnout. Over time, such love is filled with conflicts, jealousy and thirst for power.
On the one hand, the love created by fear has many drawbacks, on the other hand, fear reminds me of the graphite control rod in a nuclear reactor. A love that has lost fear, too strong, too hungry for power, and also almost blind. You can see that love, behind which there is no fear, is too proud, and fear pacifies the pride of love.
I noticed that fear seems to awaken love. We passionately love those who promise to save us from our fears. That is, love grows out of fear, but as soon as the fear goes out, as the fireman-savior extinguishes it, then the situation can become very funny.
Love born of fear is an exaggerated love that does not respect boundaries. Such love corrupts and blinds, giving rise to greed and thirst for power. Overdose sooner or later generates burnout, conflicts, hunger and thirst for power.
I notice that love is like bread, and fear is like salt. Overkill and shortage of salt give rise to the phenomenon called pride and thirst for power. In this sense, to be able to love, you need to be an experienced cook who knows how to salt moderately.
A woman full of fears creates an overdose of love and attracts a man to save her from her fears. The savior, having received such a dose of pleasure, becomes a drug addict savior, promising salvation from all fears, but at the same time jealous, obsessive and hungry for power. A little later, the savior firefighter will put out fears, and the woman will reduce the dose of love, then the man will start drug withdrawal, he will begin to strangle the woman, demand more love from her, lower her self-esteem and awaken new fears in her in order to suck more love out of her like a ghoul. However, the fear that fills a woman under the mask of love is also very aggressive, but hungry, jealous and eager to control everything.
A woman, struck by fear, removes all her boundaries and is ready to give a man a lot of love. Attracted by the fire of love, a man violates all female boundaries and comes very close to a woman, violates her personal space, tries to control her in everything. The situation is difficult, because getting used to overdoses of love, a man will become depressed and run away. Therefore, the violation of the distance generates constant conflicts in order to push the partner out of the near zone, which gives rise to drug starvation and resentment in him. That is, you can't keep him next to you for a long time and it's hard to distance yourself.
A woman, struck by fear, gives a man super-profits of love so that he protects her. However, over time, two scenarios will occur. Or a man will get used to an overdose of love and, having fallen into depression, will run away into slavery of vices and neuroses. Or a man, having conquered a woman's fears, will extinguish passionate love in her. In the first case, drug withdrawal, thirst for control and jealousy will drive a woman crazy, in the second case, the same thing will happen to a man.
Neurotics are people who out of fear they are afraid, but out of love they fall into fear. That is, when they feel fear, they awaken love in themselves. On the other hand, when they feel love, they awaken in themselves a power-hungry fear.
The woman, of course, is good and even perfect. You can even call a woman a god, the main thing is not to turn her into an idol. The ideal is dangerous because it craves power and is full of fear. A woman, in essence, is a witch and she does not need an idolater for happiness, but a normal demon who will appreciate and respect her, while not being too afraid. The witch is not made of glass and there is no need to pray for her. The woman herself should also avoid idolatry in herself. The demon, of course, is beautiful, but he is even more of a monster than the woman herself, and this should not be forgotten.
There is no need to dissuade a person from anything, but you need to recognize that his feelings have a right to exist and can be true. Feelings need to be realized, manifested and supplemented, this allows you to come to awareness. Let the person meet face your feelings face to face.
When you meet a person, there are only three options. Either you have to help him, he has to help you, or both of you have to help each other in some way.
A person who experiences a riot of other people's feelings next to him is forced to close himself off from them, which makes him a closed and reserved person. Often such restraint is perceived as a sign of ideality. The ideal is limited and restrained. A person simultaneously has problems expressing their feelings and accepting other people's emotions.
Closeness creates problems with expressing your feelings and this leads to an increase in internal tension. On the other hand, such a closed person provokes his loved ones to a storm of emotions, which further strengthens restraint. And such a closed person thinks he is perfect and therefore is always full of resentment, fear and complacency.
The desire to become an idol and a super-value is the desire to destroy someone else's borders and seize someone else's territory. When a person sees a super-value, he is afraid to deny it and lets it inside his boundaries, giving access to the energy of his love.
Allowing a person to offend you, you will offend him and cause him great suffering. He could have loved you, but now he will have to worry, fear or despise you, this will steal his joy and give rise to guilt. Pushing guilt out of himself, he will project it on you as a grudge, and resentment will cause him great suffering. He will take revenge on you, offending you even more.
You don't understand people because you pay too much attention to what they are thinking. The problem is that most people think one thing and do something completely different. Consciousness can think about anything, and their subconscious mind is responsible for making decisions and actions of people.
The idea of imperfect love generates feelings of guilt. If I love this person, then I must love perfectly and, therefore, I must not change my attitude, otherwise I will feel guilty. All this is pride and not an example to follow.
Our experience suggests that if a person insistently demands answers to his questions, then these answers are the last thing he needs in this life. The point is that all answers will be rejected and rejected. In fact, this is the "Yes, but" game described by Bern. The question is "Now tell me, what should I do?" does not need an answer.
Silence and emptiness give rise to the birth of a new one. In this sense, pauses in conversation are good because they motivate the interlocutor to fill them out by saying something interesting.
Resentment is cunning and treachery. Resentment is a cunning way to forget all your sins, forgive yourself all your sins and shift them to another person. When the level of one's own sins goes off scale and the debt becomes unbearable, the debtor finds a reason to be offended by the creditor and, accusing him of all mortal sins, thereby forgiving all his sins. In this sense, we need to closely monitor the level of our external debts. It's very dangerous when you owe a lot. Avoid debtors, they are extremely touchy.
You say you owe a lot? So you are a creditor and you have a lot of debtors who owe you a lot? This is a very dangerous situation. Debtors are touchy. When the debt becomes too heavy or you just don't want to pay it, a person prefers to find a reason to be offended by you, accusing you of all mortal sins in order to find a reason to forget about all their sins and guilt. Resentment and hatred are a great tool to rid yourself of feelings of guilt and remorse.
A woman does not need to be offended by a man. Let a man take offense at a woman. They carry water to the offended. The offended person usually serves his abuser, and all his insults are a way to let off steam. Therefore, let him be offended and work, a horse should work, and a woman should enjoy life and ride a horse. In this sense, the rider's pose is especially attractive to a woman.
A kind girl suppresses a monster inside herself and admires a monster man, inside of whom lives a depressed kind boy who admires a kind girl and wants to protect her. However, all this will not prevent the monster from constantly beating the girl, because that secret sadomasochist, who loves the more the more she is beaten.
Love is connected with the harmony of such concepts as care, pity, attention, tenderness, joy, forgiveness, request. Nothing should prevail or diminish.
When a person talks a lot and brags about his intentions, and then does nothing, this is a situation of classic catharsis. The dominant of this person suppresses all unnecessary desires inside himself, and in order to relieve tension and let off steam, he releases emotions. This procedure is similar to catharsis at the reception of a psychotherapist, and it is necessary to maintain the power of the dominant and avoid unnecessary movements.
There's no need to lie to anyone. If a person needs and benefits at least a little what you offer him, he will deceive himself and come up with everything. More moreover, it is even harmful for you to lie, because on the basis of a solid foundation of your honesty, it will be much easier for a person to deceive himself.
Women often do this. The man kind of loves her, and the woman doesn't really want to love him. An inner voice asks her, why don't you love him? And consciousness, in response, tries to rationalize, naming the reasons why not. Consciousness seems to justify itself. It's a trap, right dangerous to do. It is more correct to trust your intuition and just say "I don't want to." I don't want to, that's enough, everything else is superfluous.