Guilt is a feeling associated with a person's failure to fulfill his or her own or other people's expectations. Sometimes it's a good feeling, often not so much. To turn it off, start breathing deeply, talking internally to the person to whom you have a duty, explaining that the promised three years are waiting, and then the debt is forgiven. Other things being equal, it is necessary to understand whether this debt is fair, plus various accompanying circumstances.
The remorse associated with fear turns a person into a sadomasochist, who is very pleased with his own suffering. Suffering, such as if a person atones for their sins and it reduces the pain that causes him a conscience and guilt.
Having ceased to amuse oneself with illusion, a person can get rid of the mask of this illusion. The mask gave the person a form and imposed on him methods and properties of this mask. Attempt not to obey the mask caused a feeling of guilt and pain in his chest. Answer yourself – who am I... I am a mother, I am a wife, I am a citizen, I am a Christian, I am a good person, I am an honest person, I am a good daughter, I am a good granddaughter, I am a good friend. Every single one of these masks puts obligations on you that need to be followed. However, you can override the properties of the mask, more accurately defining what is also good and bad. A man must be good. When he's bad, his own Self starts to self-destruct, howling with pain and suffering.
Sadomasochism and sadism are the qualities of the soul, inherent to feminine essence ( not to sex, but to the very essence). These are so called «compensational desires».
Sadomasochism is inherent to person due to lack of confidence and guilt. Therefore, a person feeling guilty subconsciously wants to be punished and this way to be released from fear, pain and responsibility. He gets calm and forgiveness. It gives great pleasure and satisfaction.
But any extremity can easily turn into its opposite. The inferiority complex easily turns into the «God complex». Fear and pain turn into hatred and anger. The same way is here: inner sadomasochism easily turns a person into a sadist under some circumstances. People that were beaten and humiliated much, bully the weaker with particular pleasure and cruelty having got power.
Shame and conscience are good things. Shame is about heeding warning signs as shame shows that as a human, YOU are doing something wrong. You do something that makes others think badly of you. You really risk to destroy your reputation. And later no one will want to deal with you. They will point fingers at you, discuss you and «sling mud at you». YOU'll become an outcast. You will no longer respect your own nature and won't be able to tolerate yourself. You'll become sleepless and will howl at the moon. So, you may lose too much because of your wrong actions.
Thus… It's an information signal that should be heeded. However, sometimes this signal is very strong but still you can't do anything not because you're so bad but due to some circumstances. In this case it's better to switch off this signalling system. Of course, you realize that your car has been scratched and probably it will soon be towed away. You'll do anything within your power to change the situation. But the signalling system should be switched off as it's too loud to let you work properly.
It's also possible that after weighing the pros and cons, you decided that what you are about to get will cover your losses. For example, when you're having great sex in a changing room of some mall. Of course they may bust you and the consequences will be less pleasant. But if you're consciously ready to destroy your reputation because of this experience, then forget your shame! Switch off its signalling system.
Indeed, pity is just a sophisticated form of humiliation.
- Some people demand pity for themselves.
We don't like people who demand something. Even the fact of demanding makes them unpleasant to us.
Well brought up people ask politely and then thank politely if they get what they asked. And if they don't get what they asked for, they don't put themselves into victim role in order to make others feel guilty.
Normal people need respect but pity or handouts offend and humiliate these people.
But there is one exception: it happens when «We don't demand what belongs to others. We demand what's ours».
You appeal to their conscience but they pretend that they don't hear you. You think they got no conscience but they do. Everyone has it but it's deaf. In order to reach conscience it's necessary to cry loudly and for a long time.
Sometimes there is something that you should do. But you haven't done it. And now your conscience is bothering you and you sleep badly and think about it all the time. Having repented several times, you could have got it done, but... You're making things complicated. Just do what you should and sleep with a quiet mind.
Placid conscience is free from fear. What people call dirty conscience is not dirt at all, it’s the mold of fear, eroding soul painfully. A person fears his wrong acts. He fears consequences of these acts. He knows they always come back, but he doesn’t know when. Now he is doomed to sleep bad and even food and luxury don’t bring him much pleasure now. He is constantly waiting. His body is strained and ready for jump to slit their throats. The mobilization mode consumes ten times more energy and renders body useless quickly. Many various diseases emerge in a useless body at once. Pain slowly torments every vein, every nerve. Truly unhappy is the person, he should have better repented and paid for his mistakes voluntarily.
Why does repenting mean? And is there a way to know whether providence accepts one's repentance? Conscience is the main judge of repentance. If conscience became silent, it means everything is fine but if one feels the bar of conscience, then repentance wasn't enough...
The heavier one's sin is, the more one should repent.
A man should not think too much about personal sins and mistakes. Since it was said: «Avoid any evil thing and do good». The meaning of this phrase is not about thinking how much mud was thrown at you or how many nice deeds you did. But the main thing here is the urge to do something nice. Unnecessary thoughts take time and efforts. A person who thinks too much is an idle person who does too little.
Unnecessary thoughts, especially twinges of conscience, resemble a marinade for a human soul. If a person constantly thinks about personal sins and mistakes or about the dirt on his or her clothes, this person's soul will get marinaded with the smell of Rot. And how will someone rotten be able to do good things? Anything good done by someone rotten will become rotten kind of good as well...
What's more, it was said: «No one will be clean». It's impossible to do your job the whole day and remain clean. Sweat stains and dirt will soon appear on a diligent worker's clothes. It's not every piece of mud that a good doer can escape from. And it's night time that is best for summing up the events and mistakes of the day. That's why God created a black streak in life so that everyone would appreciate its white streaks. While any «White streak in life» is necessary for actions and not for thinking too much.
We've just realized that thinking about any dirt is useless. So, maybe it's better to think about personal good deeds? - These thoughts are vain. A glance directed into the past doesn't see the present and turns one into a blind person. How can someone blind «Avoid any evil thing and do good»? And a blind person obsessed with personal thoughts, is useless for any work.
Neurotic (and its extreme form of schizophrenic) is a type of stereotyped stereotyped people, carefully suppressing any spontaneity and randomness. Such tightness periodically gives rise to devastating explosions that cause the wild man's guilt and feelings of inferiority. Schizophrenics, trying to get rid of this guilt, even destroy their Ego and turn off any emotions.
Guilt should be sublimated into the initiative to go and do a useful and good deed. The urge to be angry, to run away and to cry should be suppressed as a useless loss of valuable energy.
It's better to take offense than to cause. If you hurt someone, you will enter a vicious circle of mutual resentment... Better hurt go and let the offender feel pangs of conscience.
Remorse corrodes the back of the head with acid. Did I do the right thing? Could I have done better? Have I failed these people? Yeah, whatever! I did the right thing and it was the only true version of reality from which we learned valuable experience. I'M ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Absolute faith in their rightness and purpose – the perfect cure for unnecessary thoughts and headaches. I work for beauty and truth, individual idols don't matter.
You made up your own guilt, so make up your own that you've redeemed yourself. You did everything you could and you fixed it, you can't blame yourself anymore.
And what is morality and morality but habit and custom? They're used to doing that, and if they don't, their conscience will torture them. What can I advise them? Think of another habit.
Passion and vices, there is something deeply shameful and unnecessary. You can deny it, you can not deny it, but the soul feels it, and therefore it is tormented by remorse, fears, anxiety... and to be saved, it makes the mind suffer.
Sins-a terrible thing in the play "the Storm" Catherine, cheating on her husband, falls into a paranoia of fear and suspiciousness. You remember that fear is the devil, the father of lies and stupidity. As a result, it ends with the fact that, unable to stand the pangs of conscience, on her knees she confesses everything to her husband, further aggravating the situation. In my practice of psychotherapy I have seen a similar picture many times, and I want to say that the motive here lies deeper than it seems. It's all the fault of cognitive dissonance and subconscious desire to break the glass house.
Caring and loving mothers who expect a lot from their children are so unbearable and monstrous that the child has no choice but to grow up, otherwise he will die from a complex of inferiority and guilt for his inferiority.
Self-justification is a great way to avoid unnecessary remorse and guilt. Works particularly well stupid excuses and accusations of others around the grave.
If you control your anger, you can turn it into guilt, and it will cause you pain. But if you control your anger, you can turn it into resentment. But if you don't control your anger, you can turn it into remorse. From everything you can benefit as well as harm, both joy and suffering.
Conscience bothers a person when he have to do something, but doesn't do it. I.E. by telling a person (or people of his kind) what he allegedly should do, but don't do, you torment him and taunt him.
Parents should control their children who should never do things by halves. It's only parental responsibility to bring up children the way that they would never do things by halves. The thought that something was once done by halves, is supposed to hurt a child.
Conscience is a controlling signal system that shows what you do wrong. The more it tortures you, the worse the mistake you did was. The nature wants you to remember and learn from your mistakes. And now when you realized everything and regret it, the signal can be switched off as there's no need for it to keep you up all night.
The idealist is predisposed to fall into schizophrenia with age. The idealist feels fear and anger at any inconsistency with the ideal. Outbursts of anger generate remorse and problems with others, as a result of which a person tries to restrain negative emotions. Over time, this generates reactive psychosis and cipher.
It is difficult for a person to plead guilty, therefore, justifying his old mistakes, he fatally breeds new ones. If you didn't judge yourself, you wouldn't have to justify yourself and lie. A lie is a direct ticket to hell.
Provoking conflict, a woman provokes a storm. When the storm is exhausted, the man will begin to feel remorse and try to make amends. Storm is useful, it helps to relieve stress and achieve peace of mind.
