Serving vices, you crave pleasure. Why don't you get pleasure from virtue? Why do you crave a reward for your virtues, while the Goths pay for your vices? Where is the justice?
You need to be aware of your shortcomings and love them, then you can gradually turn them into advantages. If you deny and hate yourself – it will create an inferiority complex, fear, and a lot of problems.
Man is not light or darkness; man is the boundary between light and darkness. The main virtue of the guardian of borders is impartiality, justice and service to the law. The border simultaneously serves both light and dark, separating and connecting them.
The wave system of human virtues and vices is such that virtues are always compensated by Vice. First vices exalt a man, and then he loses fear and vices of pride cast him into the abyss.